Nashville, Part IV

I couldn't do it...I couldn't kill myself. I felt that the best way to lighten up was make a trip down to the local Deja Vu to see some skin. There was this one beautiful girl that I kept gravitating to time and time again...













God I love Tennessee women! Wendy "the Wild Thang" and I closed the joint down and she asked if I wanted to take the party somewhere else. I recommended the backseat of a Volkswagen, but she had a better idea...















This day couldn't have worked out any better! Not only did I decide to live to see another day, I didn't have to leave a strip club with blue balls.

Nashville, Part III

All of the recent success that I am having has been great. The downside has been that I've developed some habits that some might consider unsavory. I maintain that it helps me to keep my slender figure.










A guy named "Shaggy" sold some acid to me the other day. I had never done that before, nor will I do it again! Snakes and spiders are not to be toyed with...even if they are my imagination.



So now, the record label has found out what I've been doing...my contract was terminated just 3 days before Christmas! I felt lower than a snake's belly in a wagon wheel rut...could I really do myself in!








Find out next time on..."As the Shredder Turns"...

Nashville, Part II

Dear Jeff,

In searching for a replacement vehicle, I am glad to report that I have found it!!
I present to you a 1965 Cobra 427 Roadster.


I've got it on hold in your name...now, be a good boy and run down to Broadway Motor and pick it up for me.

I like Corn (it makes me a jolly good fellow)

If your not aware, we tend to be militant about our corn in Nebraska. If that's not bad enough, I've been reading about this Y2K stuff on the internet and frankly, I'm scared. So, I've holed up some of Nebraska's finest in Buford's Ye Ol' CentCom and we are not coming out until it's over.

Also, I need to ask a favor of you, dear Jeff. I've found this odd looking piece of corn here and I can't figure out it's problem. It's not edible at all and it makes a strange noise. I'm sending it to you via US Postal Service to analyze it. Send it to that shit-hole Akron for analysis if you must.

I expect a detailed report ASAP!

Yours in Corn,

Buford T. Justice

Nashville, Part I

I've been bummed out over the holidays recently. With the good comes the bad. Likewise with the bad comes the good. I was out on the town a few weeks ago, drinking my cares away at a karaoke club when lightening struck twice.

(I can recommend the Yellow Tail Shiraz, by the way). After two and a half bottles of wine, I jumped up on stage. Always the opportunity in Nashville, it happened that I was singing to a big wheel for a major label record company. The next thing I knew, I was in the recording studio...

More to come...

Retracing the steps

Much like where's Waldo, Buford is looking for his cousin, Albert.

Albert wasn't found at the lake.

Wanna Screw?

Introducing....

I would like you to meet my new friend, Buford T. Justice.

Couch Shopping

I've been in a shopping mood lately so I went by the Hickory Furniture Mart to pick out a couch. They didn't have a Husker red leather couch, but boy if this one isn't close!

2786 Feet

Who needs the Rockies when there is an Eastern Continental Divide!

(Note, the hand of God has been blurred to avoid burning the retinas of our dear readers.)

Wig Shopping

Even though I didn't go as a druid for halloween, I have since obtained a healthy respect for wigs. Through word of mouth I was told that the Sunsphere in Knoxville was a great place to buy a quality wig at a great price. Unfortunately I was told a lie. (that's me hanging out on the fence at the bottom of the picture.)

Akron, OH

Akron...more like Suck-ron. Seriously, Jeff, why would you ever want to visit there?

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Halloween was loads of fun this year. There was one minor altercation, but it turned out in my favor. I was hijacked by Eric the Red, shown here threatening me with his joke of a sword. After I took that blade from him and whipped his butt with it, I ran off with his woman, Amelie Poulin. She's into all kinds of kinky stuff like animal pornography (two cats and a dog, or a bat and a pig) and wearing me as a freakin' bikini!!!

















What more can I say? Post coital smokes are the greatest!

I need your vote

Dear Jeff and fellow viewers,

I have been making some plans for Halloween this year and I have developed a few costume ideas. Give me some feedback on your favorite...

There is the druid...................




















The water wheel...

















Or my personal favorite...the 34-C bikini top

I'm Albert the Husker and I approve this message...particularly the part with the knockers.

Not a Korean vehicle

Camping

I really enjoy camping this time of the year. There's just something about the brisk autumn air that makes me want to gargle some warm milk and go for a nice long hike. Here are a few pics from along the way...



You might be interested to know that the photo taken on the foot bridge almost did your dear friend Albert in. Because immediately after the photo shoot, I slipped and fell into the creek; luckily I was not swept away in the current, but rather the proud recipient of a sprained nipple and a dislocated taint thanks to the boulder that cushioned my fall. And that, dear readers, is real pain!

Vaudeville

This my new friend Ricardo. We've spent the past few days drinking Milwaukee's Best and sharpening knives to throw at his two daughters. It's for a vaudeville act called "The Aristocrats." Ever heard of it? Once they get their routine down, his family is going to go on the road with their show. If the timing is right, maybe we can travel together.

Hotlanta

This is Atlanta...

This is Atlanta on drugs...

Any questions???

A sailor's life for me

The relatively brisk autumn air has started to roll in, so I decided that I should move out from my lakeside camp. I gave Dale and William a big Husker hug and headed south. I climbed some more mountains and lo and behold, I found the beautiful state of Georgia. It was at this moment that I realized that I was truly a man because this was the first time I have went out of state on my own. I recall the tale of sailors who would pierce his ear after crossing the equator. I felt inclined to do something equally significant, so I found the nearest body piercing shop:


Cute, huh? (me, that is!)

A little known Nebraska fact:

Our official state dance is...(drum roll please)...the square dance.

Jet Ski's and the Loch Nickajack monster

The past few days I've spent enjoying myself at the lakeside. I've never been swimming before, but it turns out I'm quite good at floating. A couple of guys named Dale and William brought out their jet skis and I sweet talked them into letting me drive for a while. As luck would have it, this wasn't such a good idea because I put a hole in the bottom of one after I ran over something. As a result, I got this great Loch Nickajack-looking photo...

Southbound

Following my escape, I headed south. After hiking several miles, I passed a sign that informed me that I was headed toward Alabama. Now, I've never been there before, but I've heard things...not good things...enough so that I didn't want to tempt fate, so I veered east toward the mountains. These particular hills looked liked boobies!!!


As I passed through the land of cleve, I came across some nice fellows (albiet with few teeth) who after introducing themselves insisted that I squeel like a pig...I don't know what that was about.

Shortly after noon on Monday, I had made my descent from the mountains and had arrived at a beautiful lake which happened to be part of the Tennessee River. I decided to set up camp here for a few days. That afternoon, I knocked all the dirt and filth off of me in the restroom of the local campground. All that cleanliness brought out the anarchy in me, so I decided to raise some hell.

and The Great Escape.

So I just escaped from the front of Jeff Youngman's car. Boy that was tough loosening those screws, not a screwdriver, much less the fingers to use one. Jeff has left for Los Angles, or the City of Angles, to see our boys the Nebraska Cornhuskers whip the shit out of Southern Cal. And to think he left ME here in Nashville. That bastard!

Now my boy Jeff tends to travel a bit (most typically without me), so I think that I'm gonna ditch this sorry excuse he calls a car and hit the road myself. So Jeff, just so you don't forget what I look like, I've included a photo of me immediately following my daring escape.

P.S. I may have to loose this sorry excuse of a licsense frame...I think he may slow me down.

Life, Liberty...