Nashville, Part IV

I couldn't do it...I couldn't kill myself. I felt that the best way to lighten up was make a trip down to the local Deja Vu to see some skin. There was this one beautiful girl that I kept gravitating to time and time again...













God I love Tennessee women! Wendy "the Wild Thang" and I closed the joint down and she asked if I wanted to take the party somewhere else. I recommended the backseat of a Volkswagen, but she had a better idea...















This day couldn't have worked out any better! Not only did I decide to live to see another day, I didn't have to leave a strip club with blue balls.

Nashville, Part III

All of the recent success that I am having has been great. The downside has been that I've developed some habits that some might consider unsavory. I maintain that it helps me to keep my slender figure.










A guy named "Shaggy" sold some acid to me the other day. I had never done that before, nor will I do it again! Snakes and spiders are not to be toyed with...even if they are my imagination.



So now, the record label has found out what I've been doing...my contract was terminated just 3 days before Christmas! I felt lower than a snake's belly in a wagon wheel rut...could I really do myself in!








Find out next time on..."As the Shredder Turns"...

Nashville, Part II

Dear Jeff,

In searching for a replacement vehicle, I am glad to report that I have found it!!
I present to you a 1965 Cobra 427 Roadster.


I've got it on hold in your name...now, be a good boy and run down to Broadway Motor and pick it up for me.

Nashville, Part I

I've been bummed out over the holidays recently. With the good comes the bad. Likewise with the bad comes the good. I was out on the town a few weeks ago, drinking my cares away at a karaoke club when lightening struck twice.

(I can recommend the Yellow Tail Shiraz, by the way). After two and a half bottles of wine, I jumped up on stage. Always the opportunity in Nashville, it happened that I was singing to a big wheel for a major label record company. The next thing I knew, I was in the recording studio...

More to come...

Retracing the steps

Much like where's Waldo, Buford is looking for his cousin, Albert.

Albert wasn't found at the lake.

2786 Feet

Who needs the Rockies when there is an Eastern Continental Divide!

(Note, the hand of God has been blurred to avoid burning the retinas of our dear readers.)

Wig Shopping

Even though I didn't go as a druid for halloween, I have since obtained a healthy respect for wigs. Through word of mouth I was told that the Sunsphere in Knoxville was a great place to buy a quality wig at a great price. Unfortunately I was told a lie. (that's me hanging out on the fence at the bottom of the picture.)

Camping

I really enjoy camping this time of the year. There's just something about the brisk autumn air that makes me want to gargle some warm milk and go for a nice long hike. Here are a few pics from along the way...



You might be interested to know that the photo taken on the foot bridge almost did your dear friend Albert in. Because immediately after the photo shoot, I slipped and fell into the creek; luckily I was not swept away in the current, but rather the proud recipient of a sprained nipple and a dislocated taint thanks to the boulder that cushioned my fall. And that, dear readers, is real pain!

Jet Ski's and the Loch Nickajack monster

The past few days I've spent enjoying myself at the lakeside. I've never been swimming before, but it turns out I'm quite good at floating. A couple of guys named Dale and William brought out their jet skis and I sweet talked them into letting me drive for a while. As luck would have it, this wasn't such a good idea because I put a hole in the bottom of one after I ran over something. As a result, I got this great Loch Nickajack-looking photo...

Southbound

Following my escape, I headed south. After hiking several miles, I passed a sign that informed me that I was headed toward Alabama. Now, I've never been there before, but I've heard things...not good things...enough so that I didn't want to tempt fate, so I veered east toward the mountains. These particular hills looked liked boobies!!!


As I passed through the land of cleve, I came across some nice fellows (albiet with few teeth) who after introducing themselves insisted that I squeel like a pig...I don't know what that was about.

Shortly after noon on Monday, I had made my descent from the mountains and had arrived at a beautiful lake which happened to be part of the Tennessee River. I decided to set up camp here for a few days. That afternoon, I knocked all the dirt and filth off of me in the restroom of the local campground. All that cleanliness brought out the anarchy in me, so I decided to raise some hell.