Albert & the Seven Seas, Part X

I did some shopping while in Key West. In fact, I found a new party outfit for you, Jeff. It came highly recommended by Rooty-Tooty and friends back in Costa Maya.

Albert and the Seven Seas, Part IX

Have you ever seen Guatamala white before?

Albert and the Seven Seas, part VIII

Well, this sea travel stuff is starting to get to me. I've made it as far south as Guatemala and I think it's time to do some travel by air for a while...

Albert and the Seven Seas, part VII

Time for a break...Mexican beaches make a good place to nap.

Your screws

Hi there, Jeff!

I heard that you wanted your screws back, so I left a message "on" your phone. Take a real close look...

If you follow the clues, you will find your screws.

Enjoy!
-Albert & Buford.

Albert and the Seven Seas, Part VI

Welcome to Costa Maya, Mexico...home of Rooty, Tooty and Fresh & Fruity.

Albert and the Seven Seas, part V

Hey mon, what say we smoka spliff and chill on de bee-ach??

Albert and the Seven Seas, Part IV

Rock out with your cock out in Nassau!

Albert and the Seven Seas, Part III

Yeah, I did it again...drunken San Juan karaoke. Well, I did the drunken and the karaoke part again, anyhow. I belted out some Phantom and some Paul Simon for the crowd, but after singing Dear Old Nebraska U, I found that a few of my listeners had left. And you know, I can't blame them...have you ever really listened to that song? It's fairly accurate, though. Well, a few more drinks, a little bit of purging and I'll be off to bed.



After tonight, I think it's time to move on to some sunnier, more sober beaches...to be continued...


Dear Old Nebraska U (No Place Like Nebraska)
There is no place like Nebraska
Dear old Nebraska U.
Where the girls are the fairest,
The boys are the squarest,
Of any old school that I knew.
There is no place like Nebraska,
Where they're all true blue.
We'll all stick together,
In all kinds of weather,
For Dear old Nebraska U!

Albert and the Seven Seas, Part II

Wow, I had no idea that restaurants were allowed to serve this much daiquiri! At the Casa de Senior Frog, they call it "the yard". Let's see how Albert measures up by drinking not one, but two "yards."

to be continued...

Albert and the Seven Seas

I don't have much money, so I decided to stow-away on a boat and go wherever the winds blow me. I was discovered on the second day and was kicked off somewhere in the middle of the ocean. After one heck of a swim, I came to a rocky shore with stone walls. It looks like a fort or something. Where could I be? I climbed up on the wall to take a look around...

Obviously, I've found quite a nice little place. I wasn't sure where I was, so I decided to take a stroll through the nearby town. I found this odd looking gentleman hanging out in the streets. He was kindof a stuff-shirt though...he never would talk to me.
I couldn't place him immediately, but he looked familiar, though. At first I thought he might have been some kind of British military with his lack of talking and all, but that wasn't the case. Upon further investigation...

That's it!! Senior Frog of Puerto Rico! This is all starting to make sense now...I landed near a fort...I'm in Puerto Rico...I must be in San Juan!!! And now I think it's time for a drink with a frog.

To be continued...

Jeff?? Are you there??

Hi Jeff,

This is Buford. Did you get the gift I sent? I hope it brings Shannon hours of enjoyment. And of course, you should use it, too...just be sure to use plenty of lube. We don't need you hobbling around like a bow-legged cowboy. That could be akward. Rumors would start; for example: "You know I heard that Jeff likes it in the butt." Yeah, you don't need that, so be careful.

I'm beginning to grow concerned because I haven't heard from you in a while. What's the deal?

Strolling along...

I was hanging out in the snow the other day when I met this lovely woman. We quickly became good friends often enjoying long walks together and whispering sweet nothings into each others ear. Take a good look, Jeff...maybe you know her.

An Arkansas Ed-u-ka-shun

Featuring such popular classes as Poultry Nutrition, Reproduction in Farm Animals, and Herpetology (the study of herpes), Arkansas Tech is a tantalizing place to enroll. I am particularly intrigued by the Reproduction in Farm Animals course. The class is 3 hrs of lecture and 2 hrs of laboratory, which leaves me wondering: Does everyone in class take turns humping the same goat or do we each get our own "classroom volunteer"? Personally, I'm not into sloppy seconds, so that may be a deal breaker for me.

-Buford

The Husker Blues

Well, Husker fans everywhere are a bit blue these days. While we are all a bit sad over our loss in the Cotton Bowl, the chance to be a color other than red is amusing. Regardless, I think it's time for a vacation from all of the football craziness...I will report back soon...

-Albert

Nashville, Part IV

I couldn't do it...I couldn't kill myself. I felt that the best way to lighten up was make a trip down to the local Deja Vu to see some skin. There was this one beautiful girl that I kept gravitating to time and time again...













God I love Tennessee women! Wendy "the Wild Thang" and I closed the joint down and she asked if I wanted to take the party somewhere else. I recommended the backseat of a Volkswagen, but she had a better idea...















This day couldn't have worked out any better! Not only did I decide to live to see another day, I didn't have to leave a strip club with blue balls.

Nashville, Part III

All of the recent success that I am having has been great. The downside has been that I've developed some habits that some might consider unsavory. I maintain that it helps me to keep my slender figure.










A guy named "Shaggy" sold some acid to me the other day. I had never done that before, nor will I do it again! Snakes and spiders are not to be toyed with...even if they are my imagination.



So now, the record label has found out what I've been doing...my contract was terminated just 3 days before Christmas! I felt lower than a snake's belly in a wagon wheel rut...could I really do myself in!








Find out next time on..."As the Shredder Turns"...

Nashville, Part II

Dear Jeff,

In searching for a replacement vehicle, I am glad to report that I have found it!!
I present to you a 1965 Cobra 427 Roadster.


I've got it on hold in your name...now, be a good boy and run down to Broadway Motor and pick it up for me.

I like Corn (it makes me a jolly good fellow)

If your not aware, we tend to be militant about our corn in Nebraska. If that's not bad enough, I've been reading about this Y2K stuff on the internet and frankly, I'm scared. So, I've holed up some of Nebraska's finest in Buford's Ye Ol' CentCom and we are not coming out until it's over.

Also, I need to ask a favor of you, dear Jeff. I've found this odd looking piece of corn here and I can't figure out it's problem. It's not edible at all and it makes a strange noise. I'm sending it to you via US Postal Service to analyze it. Send it to that shit-hole Akron for analysis if you must.

I expect a detailed report ASAP!

Yours in Corn,

Buford T. Justice

Nashville, Part I

I've been bummed out over the holidays recently. With the good comes the bad. Likewise with the bad comes the good. I was out on the town a few weeks ago, drinking my cares away at a karaoke club when lightening struck twice.

(I can recommend the Yellow Tail Shiraz, by the way). After two and a half bottles of wine, I jumped up on stage. Always the opportunity in Nashville, it happened that I was singing to a big wheel for a major label record company. The next thing I knew, I was in the recording studio...

More to come...